Today, my fiancee came over after school to take pictures of all my paintings so I can sell them online as prints. He spent over an hour with them between uploading them to his computer and making them look pro in Photoshop. Instead of complaining about why I’m making him work for me when he could be at the office making more money than I ever have, he just got to work and did a wonderful job.

About halfway through, he looks over at me for a second and says, “You know we’re going to have your art on the walls of our apartment when we get married, right?”

My heart melted.

I believe it was Kris Vallotton who said that the influence you have over someone is determined by their value for you. I would have to say our relationship is pretty darn mutually influential.

I am so unbelievably blessed to have my fiancee. While learning to communicate effectively and trust unconditionally has been a sometimes rocky journey, sometimes I think it’s the day-to-day process where true character is formed. When Kathy Vallotton spoke in a Supernatural Marriage Conference a while back, she used the illustration of a dressing recipe she uses in her baking. Like most dressings, this one calls for oil and vinegar–which, when combined, only blend if being vigorously shaken. As soon as the shaking stops and the oil and vinegar aren’t being forced together, they separate once again.

But this particular dressing recipe calls for not just oil and vinegar, but honey as well. The honey acts as an emulsifier, allowing the oil and vinegar to stay together even when at rest.

A lot of the time in relationships, we’re super spiritual in looking on the bright side of our hard times. “We’re stronger because of it” is something that gets thrown around a lot, or “God is bringing us closer together during this.” That’s very true–but unless there is a sweetness between the two of you, that character won’t get the chance to come through on a day-to-day basis.

When you’re in that “honeymoon phase” of the relationship, the sweetness comes easy (get it? ’cause it’s a HONEYmoon…), but after everything settles down and becomes a routine, that sweetness is something that you have to culture. It’s something you have to be deliberate about in your decision-making in how you’re gonna act towards that person.

Don’t worry about taking the little things too seriously, or about taking the small frictions between you and your whomever personally. Sure, the hard times bring you closer together, but wouldn’t it be great to stick together during times of peace, too?

It’s well worth it. Everything is so much sweeter with a little honey. 


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