The God Who Sees Me

The Milky Way galaxy is  10,000 light years huge. Beyond that, there are millions of galaxies, stars, and planets, each with the possibility of having some form of life.

The Andromeda Galaxy, our nearest neighbor.

And His eye is on me. I am one of, what, 6 billion people on the planet? I can’t even fathom that number, let alone light years. And He holds every cell in my body together?

Last night, the moon was full, hidden at first behind clouds and then glistening in the patches of sky between them. I marveled at it, so dazzling and pristine. During worship at Templo de Alfa y Omega, I saw Him carving the moon at the formation of time. He selected the luminous white dust, He scooped out its craters and mountains like a master sculptor at his wheel.

Then He hung it in orbit around our little planet, one humble, beautiful moon. He tied our tides to it, anchored it to us with a deep significance for our need of this glowing rock.

The Cat's Eye Nebula

The past few days has been a journey of opening my eyes to how big and how great He is. I see the pictures, I read numbers like “47 billion light years,” and while they offend my mind, I can’t possibly begin to comprehend the true vastness of what numbers like that mean. I see pictures a few inches across on a screen, and I can’t even imagine how expansive and majestic they must be, reflecting the royalty of Him, their sole witness, the Great Painter of all worlds.

Proverbs 3 says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom–this is absolutely true, and it gets revealed to me layer by layer every time I re-examine it.

Not until we start stretching our minds and realizing how BIG He is can we realize how tiny we are.

Only then can we start to understand how intensely His eye is focused on us. It would be one thing if He had made us as just one world, just one galaxy–because then it would make sense that He would be so taken with us. Then it would make sense that He would create us as vessels of His glory and His manifest presence.

But when we think of how many galaxies He has made, how many gigantic stars He leads through their lives while calling each one by name–when we realize that He loves us because He wants to–that’s when the fear sets in, that incredible reverence.

When I realize that He is El Roi, the God Who Sees Me, that’s when our relationship can deepen.

The Orion Nebula.

As long as we don’t let the fear of His holiness keep us away from Him.

In Old Covenant, God had to set apart a man, raise him up, and get close just to him so the people could experience their Creator–because they could not approach Him on their own. Even if they could, they wouldn’t for fear of death, like the Israelites who told Moses to go speak for them.

The two dancing galaxies of ARP 273, creating what NASA called "a rose of galaxies."

Exodus 20:18-19 – When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”

But Jesus.

He made a way so we can all come to God on the level of the kings, prophets, and high priests of the Law. So that when we receive revelation of how great He is, we don’t have to take steps away from Him in fear, but rather crawl forward in our trembling.This morning, I threw myself at his feet flat on my face, crying out in my soul for lack of understanding. For the past two years, I’ve been relating to God as my Daddy, letting Him fill the gap that was left by not having a father figure for most of my life. Now I see the other side, the great and mighty God of the universe, and I was so, so conflicted in my fear. How could I go back to those days of sweet communion, knowing what I knew now?

A butterfly in Nebula NGC 6302

At His feet, worshiping His might and His majesty, I felt Him come near. He came to my left side, knelt down, and spread a blanket over my back–a blanket of comfort, of reassurance, of sweet tenderness and mercy and closeness. And Katie Torwalt’s voice rang sweetly in my head:

When I don’t understand, I will choose you. When I don’t understand, I will choose you, God. When I don’t understand, I will choose to love you.

This is my anthem. I don’t–can’t–understand His might. I can’t even fathom how He can be so huge and so mighty and so great, yet care so deeply and call me His special possession, to give so much for me, to love our tiny speck of a world so so much.

This is us. So tiny. So humble.

But in my lack of understanding, I run to Him. I worship Him. I love on Him. I choose to turn my trembling heart to affection and adoration.

Astronomic love.


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