Day 2 – Short Circuit (Part 1)

Readers, I would like to take a brief note to thank you for your patience. You have stuck with me through over 60 incredibly verbose blog posts, missed deadlines, and sometimes me dropping off the face of the blogging earth for months at a time–yet hear you are, your beautiful eyes gracing my eager journalism. You bless me big. Thank you.

Read Day 1 here. Want to know what Power Surge is? Click here!

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After sleeping horribly with terrible dreams, I woke up bright and early at 6 and slunk into the kitchen to prepare a pot of coffee (Emily’s family always has the best coffee) and read my Bible before the morning got busy.

Before long, Mark lumbered into the kitchen as well and started moving around to get his breakfast and lunch ready. We talked about how good God is (an endless topic, to be sure). I got the chance to sozo/shabar Mark a bit, and it was absolutely cool because when he pictured a little boy, he saw a porcelain doll of a little Dutch boy. Holy Spirit saw that I was puzzled at this unusual description, so He whispered to me, “It’s like Pinocchio.”

We asked father God what the little boy needed, and His response was, “He needs to be brought to life…like Pinocchio.”

Talk about confirmation! It was so awesome! I got a little bit further in my Sozo tools, but then Mark left for work and I read some Bible.

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Emily and I went to the church a little bit later to drop off sleeping bags and meet the new interim pastor, Stephen. His 18-year-old daughter, Eryca, was there also. Instantly, I fell in love with both of them. They are as loud as I am, always smiling, and can’t seem to go two minutes without talking about how amazing God is.

Emily and I met with Eryca for about an hour where we shared testimonies. I was impressed and inspired by Eryca’s story and how her parents raised her into her identity. She shines so freely! I shared our testimony of God’s faithfulness coming through for our wedding in September, and it was a golden-apple-timely-word of confirmation for Eryca and her family, that I had no idea they even needed! We had a wonderful time, I got to sing over her, and Holy Spirit was ridiculously heavy on all three of us.

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Best. Game. Ever.

After scrambling to get the rest of everything we needed for the retreat, it was go time. 5 o’ clock rolled around and kids started showing up, one by one. I was anxiously waiting for Levi to get off work and drive down to Vancouver, but in the meantime I ate dinner and played games with the kids, getting a chance to get acquainted with them.

I fell fast in love with all of them, particularly Sammy.
Sammy is thirteen years old. He is one of the most optimistic people I have ever met in my life. He’s affectionate, loves games, and absolutely LOVES praying when it’s time to bless a meal.

But if you saw a picture of him, that probably wouldn’t be the first conclusion you’d jump to. Sammy was diagnosed six months ago with bone cancer when a sports physical to clear him for football season revealed a tumor in his knee. Sammy has gone through 40 weeks of chemotherapy, and now that his hair is gone, he prides himself on bearing a close resemblance to Voldemort.

When we were getting in line for dinner, I was just behind him when he asked loudly, “Who wants to pray for me?”

Very seriously, I looked him in the eye and said, “I would love to pray for you. What would you like prayer for?”

Sammy gave me a hard look and said, “What do you think? I’ve got cancer.”

“I know,” I replied, still being absolutely dead serious. “But I don’t want to think of you as just Sammy with cancer. I want to think of you as my friend Sammy, who has cancer for the time being but probably has a lot of other things he’d like prayer for as well.” I told him that I didn’t want to have our relationship revolve around the temporary fact of his disease. I think that really impacted him, because afterward he didn’t say any more, but sat with me at dinner.

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I left early to prepare songs for worship, and Levi showed up just when I was getting super anxious about when he was going to get there. Sweet relief! The youth group filed in for worship and Levi and I began the first song, with me leading on guitar and Levi singing backup while doing some sweet rhythms on a bongo. We were seated on the steps of the stage, at eye level with the group, who sat in a semicircle of chairs around the stage.

The music was great, I was singing my heart out…

Then I stopped. And started talking to the group. My heart was pounding and my mind was screaming WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? because I was going against every performance inclination I’d rehearsed; but I needed to make something very clear.

“Is this what you need?” I asked, taking the time to look each and every one of them in the eye. “Because if this isn’t what you need, we can do something else. We are here for you. It’s not the other way around. And we don’t want to come up here in front of you and go through the motions for the three days that we have together with you, then go home feeling good about ourselves while leaving you with absolutely nothing.”

It was silent in the sanctuary as they realized I was serious, then one or two of them spoke up and said, “This is what we need.”

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So we continued. And we worshiped our little hearts out. I stopped again after the second song to share a word that Holy Spirit put on my heart about a sacrifice of praise in even the worst circumstances and situations, and then Levi and I taught them “One Thing Remains” by Jesus Culture. It felt like we sang it forever, yet it felt like we didn’t sing long enough.

We moved into the youth room to transition into “lesson time.” I had no idea what to give a “lesson” on, and I wasn’t feeling any promptings from Holy Spirit, so I just started to tell my testimony. Little did I realize, the majority of my audience were 13-to-15-year-olds with attention spans that short-circuited very easily. Not even fifteen minutes into my story, I was losing them.

If you want to find out what happened next, follow and subscribe to the blog, and don’t forget to Like the Facebook page!  See ya next post!

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Sozo and Shabar

Quite frequently in my blog posts, you’ll hear me talking about Sozo ministry. Occasionally, I’ll talk about Shabar as well. Sozo is a Greek word meaning “Healed, Saved, and Delivered.” Shabar is Hebrew for “Brokenhearted.”

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Started in Bethel Church, Sozo is a deliverance ministry based on a lot of forgiveness. The leader of the Sozo session will use learned tools and direction from Holy Spirit to facilitate a conversation between whomever is receiving the Sozo, and God Himself.

One of our teams in Olympia developed a tool we refer to as Sozo Plus, an exercise that isn’t included in a normal sozo. Before, we would jump right into trying to get the sozo-ee to talk to Father God, something that most people find intimidating and even impossible!

Now, we start out the Sozo by telling the Sozo-ee to close his or her eyes and picture an apple; once they see the apple, they are to picture taking a big bite out of it. Then you have them open their eyes and describe the experience. How big was the apple? What color? Was it crisp or mushy, mealy or watery, or juicy? Sweet, sour, bitter or bland?

What they don’t realize is that they’re hearing from Holy Spirit, even then! The apple represents the quality of their life. If the apple is big, shiny, red and crisp and sweet, then they are at a really good season in their life right now where they can enjoy the fruit of their own sweetness and characteristics. Sometimes, the apple will be mealy or watery, which simply means that God wants to either add some doctrine (water) or experiential substance (more ‘meat’ in the apple).

Next, you have your sozo-ee picture a dog. The dog represents Jesus. You have them pay close attention to what the dog’s attitude is, how they feel about the dog, whether he’s excited or calm, and how close they are in relation to him. Typically at the beginning of a Sozo, the dog will be really excited, jumping up and down and wagging his tail. This is Jesus saying, “I want to be close to you! I just want to be your friend! Let me in!” The marvelous thing that typically happens by the end of a Sozo is that when you take them back to the scene with the dog, he is right up close against them, happy and calm—which signifies that the person and Jesus had an encounter, and now Jesus is content with their friendship.

The third thing you have the sozo-ee picture, is a bird—which, of course, represents Holy Spirit. It’s so exciting, what different people see! Some people see robins that turn into eagles, eagles that turn into bluebirds, seagulls, or doves. The most common thing they see is that the bird is far off, flying, not making a sound. This usually means that they don’t really have much of a relationship with Holy Spirit, that He’s just some distant, intangible spirit that we can’t grab ahold of.

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By the time you introduce the sozo-ee to the apple, dog, and bird, they have been fully plugged into Holy Spirit by their imagination. Before this exercise was revealed to a Sozo team by Holy Spirit, Sozo ministers had a difficult time getting past the lie so many people believe of, “I can’t hear God,” or “I can’t see Him,” or even, “I can’t feel Him.” Holy Spirit starts speaking to the person in your session the moment it begins, just because of your intent and the anointing on you.

You begin the Sozo session by having Holy Spirit take the person to a safe place. This is done simply by having them repeat after you, “Holy Spirit, will you take me to a safe place?” This can be a bedroom, a favorite vacation spot, or even someplace imaginary that they have never seen before. From there, you have them invite Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit into their safe place one by one.

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Here’s the funny thing about relationships: Our relationships with the Godhead will always be reflected by our relationships with people in our lives. For example, how we see Father God will either be enhanced or distorted by our relationship with our birth father. How we see Jesus is influenced by our relationships with our siblings, cousins, friends, or spouse. How we see Holy Spirit is a reflection of our relationship with our birth mother.

So when a sozo-ee asks Father God to join them, and Father God makes Himself evident as the sun in the sky in their safe place, it’s usually indicative that their birth father was very distant, lofty-thinking, much smarter than they were, et cetera. So from there, you lead the person into asking, “Father God, is there anything I need to forgive my father for?” Holy Spirit will tell them Yes or No, and if the answer is Yes, you have them ask, “What is it?” He will tell them, show them a memory they need to forgive, and they forgive it, renounce a lie about God that resulted from that incident, and then they get to receive their healing and a special gift from Father God.

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You repeat this process with Jesus and Holy Spirit for as long as there is time (Sozo sessions generally go about 2 hours).

There are several other tools to Sozo that I will likely talk about in a later post, but this is enough background for now. It’s amazing how much healing people get with just that!

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Shabar Ministry is a form of Advanced Sozo. If a person can’t see Father God, Jesus, or Holy Spirit—if you are coming up against what feels like a brick wall, and can’t get any ground—chances are, you need to move into Shabar.

The concept of Shabar is that oftentimes, when we are children, if we experience a trauma that we aren’t meant to handle or understand, a coping mechanism like a spare tire comes out and allows that child to function and keep going. But if the issue of the trauma isn’t addressed and the child doesn’t receive healing, that spare tire will stay out even as the child grows older. How many of you know that a car doesn’t run well on a spare tire for extended periods of time? So often, the people around us are running on a spare tire from a childhood trauma that they don’t know how to get rid of.

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An extreme form of this that is easiest to understand is the concept of schizophrenia, or multiple personality disorder, or various forms of bipolar/mania. I dealt with this with my husband back when we were dating (and this was before I knew any kind of Sozo or Shabar Ministry, so I had no idea how to handle it).

What happened with Levi was that, as a result of the traumas that had occurred in his life (being forcefully separated from his mom at birth, and his parents divorcing two years later), a part of his spirit was literally fractured. Part of him was able to grow and mature and develop at the normal rate a child should, but there was a part of him that stayed at that level of a very small, very frightened child. There would be times that seemed random, where the smallest and most insignificant things (to me) would trigger these enormous breakdowns. The Levi I knew vanished and I had no idea how to get him back. In his place was a terrified little boy who didn’t know how to handle the grown-up world around him in his grown-up body.

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When someone in Sozo is unable to progress in seeing God, or if they start manifesting (like the trigger I mentioned above) during a session, you guide them back to a safe place and you start speaking to the child that’s broken inside them. You have them ask, “Father God, is there a little girl/boy you want to heal?” Holy Spirit will tell them Yes or No, and if it’s Yes, then they ask, “Father God, show me the little girl/boy.” You have the sozo-ee pay special attention to what the little girl or boy is wearing, what they are doing, how they feel, et cetera.

Typically, the first question you have them ask beyond that is, “Father God, what does the little girl/boy need?” Or you could go a roundabout way and say, “Father God, how does the little girl/boy feel about you?” But eventually you get to the point where you have them ask Father God what the child needs, and if the child would be okay with Father God coming near to give them what they need. Tremendous healing happens as a result of this—the testimonies are endless, but no words can describe what happens in these sessions.

So, there you have it. A little (and I do mean little) background on the Sozo and Shabar ministry that I am privileged to be a part of. Hopefully this will give you some good context for what I reference in my posts, and I’m always open to answering questions about it.

Repossess My City

There is an awesome event going on in Olympia called Repossess. It was started either my freshman or sophomore year of high school, and has been growing exponentially ever since. A common catch phrase for Repossess, as listed above in the title, is “Repossess My City,” or “Taking Back Our City.” I never questioned that slogan before, but I’m glad one of my friends did. He’s been asking around on Facebook for a while–“What is Repossess trying to ‘take our city back’ from?”

It took quite a bit of praying and searching my own heart to find an answer that satisfied me. I’d heard people answer, “Satan!” or “from demons and evil spirits!” but that didn’t really resonate with me, because that wasn’t what I felt those people on stage who were speaking or worshiping were trying to communicate. Here is my answer:

I think the personal answer I feel strongest about is that so many people in our community feel hopelessly helpless over their own lives. Even if we restrict that “people” qualifier to just youth ages 12-19, I know personally my life was hell for most of those years. My family, my feelings, my relationships–EVERYTHING I was involved with was so out of control for me.

The first Repossess I went to was the one that came to Tumwater. It had been a horrendous week; the Saturday before, I got the phone call that one of my classmates had killed himself. I’d never experienced anything like that before and I had no idea how to handle it. The rest of the week was a haze until Friday, when I had Subdistrict competitions for Swim team, Sean’s memorial service, and Repossess all in the same day. I almost didn’t go. I was this close not to going. But I went, because I needed hope SO bad.

At first it was painfully awkward because I was not Christian…as in, AT ALL. I hated church, hated God, hated anybody who had anybody to say about any of it. So the singing and the raising of hands and that weird peer pressurey atmosphere was just weird for me and uncomfortable and I did not like it…it didn’t do anything for me.

But then our principal got up and spoke, broke down in tears several times during his message, and shared the most glowing heart of compassion for Sean’s friends and family and our community in grief. That was what touched me, was someone who cared THAT much. I don’t even remember the message. I have no idea what he said, but what stuck with me was just this deep, deep love that I had never felt from anybody before. How vulnerable our principal was when he got up in front of us. He wasn’t the peppy, charismatic public speaker he usually was in front of us at assemblies or announcements, but he was so real and so down-to-earth with us. That impacted me so much and has stayed with me ever since.

So…I don’t know if that answers the question. But Repossess came into my life at a time when I desperately needed it, and it kept me going. It’s impacting hundreds and thousands of young people’s lives, and giving them hope–something our communities are sadly deficient in and probably wouldn’t even know how to define if asked. And I don’t mean that derogatorily–we have these words that we have really vague definitions for, like love and hope and peace and joy, all .these things that are supposed to be so big and important and intense, yet so difficult to grasp.

Power Surge 2012 – An Introduction

Last weekend, Levi and I had the privilege of going down to Vancouver to speak at a youth retreat for a Free Evangelical Church.

It was ridiculously awesome.

Just to give you some background, the church has recently gone through an enormous upheaval in leadership. They are dusting off the debris of destructive doctrine and stepping into a new season of romance with God. They have a new interim pastor and his family who moved recently from Michigan, and with them they brought a double dose of Holy Spirit! (Can you tell I’m excited?)

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Levi and I went down with explicit instructions from Holy Spirit—we were not to prepare a message. Our charge was simply to prepare ourselves. Easy enough, right? Take into mind what E.M. Bounds says about this in his book, “Power Through Prayer:”

The character  as well as the fortunes of the gospel is committed to  the preacher.  He makes or mars the message from God to man. The preacher is the  golden pipe through which the divine oil flows. The pipe must  not only be  golden, but open and flawless, that the oil may have  a full, unhindered,  unwasted flow.

The man makes the preacher.  God must make the man. The  messenger is, if possible, more than  the message. The preacher is more than the  sermon. The preacher  makes the sermon. As the life-giving milk from the mother’s  bosom  is but the mother’s life, so all the preacher says is tinctured,  impregnated by what the preacher is. The treasure is in earthen  vessels, and the  taste of the vessel impregnates and may discolor.  The man, the whole man, lies  behind the sermon. Preaching is not  the performance of an hour. It is the  outflow of a life. It takes  twenty years to make a sermon, because it takes  twenty years to  make the man. The true sermon is a thing of life. The sermon  grows  because the man grows. The sermon is forceful because the man is  forceful. 

The sermon is holy because the man is holy. The sermon  is full of the divine  unction because the man is full of the divine  unction.

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The first time I picked up this book, I couldn’t get past those few paragraphs. They have haunted me for about six months, following my every move. And when we were invited to go to the youth retreat and speak, the call to rise to this standard grew louder, and louder, and louder. At first, I resisted just as loudly: “NO God, I don’t want to do that. I want to write a sermon and make it simple for the kids.” Then I turned around and said, “Holy Spirit, what do you want me to talk about?” And He kept bringing me back to this. It was truly a vicious cycle. For about two months, I wouldn’t budge.

Then I relented. As soon as I gave in and lifted the entire retreat up to Him, He came in and started a deep, deep work in me.

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There were weeks where every single night, just as I was about to go to sleep, He would bring to the surface a very painful memory of bitterness or offense in my life. I would lay in bed and soak my pillow with tears while my heart cried. Some nights, Levi was awake and held me to comfort me in my sorrowful repentance as I faced things I had locked away in the closets of my memory. Other nights, it was just me and Papa God, Him holding me as I cried and cried and cried…and then would come the peace and the rest, only to repeat the process the following night with another memory.

Levi and I faced challenges in our own relationship that we needed to work out, and it took running into the arms of wise counselors to find peace in that area. God spoke to both of us about prioritizing our time, and asked us to lay down distractions that we were very reluctant to let go of at first.

But every moment of it was worth it. There was intense testing, blue-hot fires, and tremendous pressure that demanded equally tremendous sacrifice…but it was all worth it. Because every single thing He brought me through was accompanied by His tender reminder that it was all for the sake of the kids we were going to be speaking to at the retreat. He said, “They are worth enough to me to do this.”

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So my response was to fling my arms open and cry out for Him to come closer and burn me all the more. I prayed dangerous, scary prayers like, “God, I want the growth that would normally take years—and I want it now. I want all of you, no matter what it takes.” He heard and honored my prayer.

So many people sowed into the retreat with their prayer and encouragement over Levi and I, and I knew we were being specially anointed for this trip. As the days counted down, I felt the strangest mix of peace and great anticipation, excitement to see everything that God would do!

And He certainly did not disappoint. He was manifest powerfully in His love and His passion over each and every one of us! My life was changed by Him and what He’s doing in each one of the youth we got to spend the weekend with. He brought me toe-to-toe with my greatest fears and my longest-standing chicken lines several times every day, and gave me the choice to turn around and go back to where it was safe. But He also gave me the courage to face my chicken lines and run at them with everything I had—what relief! What reward! What breakthrough!

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The posts following this are an account of the glorious things God did for us that weekend. I hope you claim the promises, the breakthrough, and the spectacular power of the testimonies contained inside!

Part II: Are you Hungry?

Click here for part 1.

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The enemy will try his hardest to make us believe that obedience will never be worth the sacrifice of favorable public opinion. He will try to cripple us into thinking that disciplining ourselves to God’s ways will make us weak.

This is exactly right. Welcome back to the inside-out, upside-down Kingdom principles.

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I’ll reiterate: The only way God can be made mighty in you is if you are made weak.

2 Corinthians 12:9 – But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I blog about this passage a lot. Every topic I write on, it comes up and becomes more and more relevant to my life personally. It is truly alive for this season of spiritual growth, and is central to the gospel itself.

In our weakness, God is made stronger.

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In the world, when you train for an athletic event, you discipline yourself rigorously. You starve your body of excess things you don’t need–only what’s needed for nutrition and rebuilding is allowed in.

Exercising your body beyond yesterday’s limits creates microscopic tears in the muscle tissue; it is the repairing of these tears that allows for the muscle’s growth.

In the Kingdom, when we rigorously discipline our minds, we emphasize more time spent in our prayer closets. Our daily bread is the Word of God, and our water is prayer. Worship is our oxygen. We fast, depriving our flesh of indulgence, literally starving to death the part of us that is “me.”

Anything to make room for more of Him.

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You make time for what's important.

As we devote more and more time to feeding our spirit, we become aware of how much of our time before was spent on indulging our impulses and making excuses about how we “didn’t have time” to pray and read our Bibles.

In these times, we realize that all our excuses are silenced in the face of a stern but simple truth: You make time for what’s most important to you.

Proverbs 27:17 – One who is full will refuse honey from the comb, but to one who is hungry, every bitter thing is sweet.


This is one of the most crucial verses for revival. Pastor Bill mentions it often to the church as a whole, but I would like to grab hold of this on a deeply personal level. We  can’t have corporate, large-scale revivals unless we have individuals who are hungry.

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Hunger motivates.

When you’re hungry, living from simplicity and not out of gluttony and clutter, every little thing that comes your way is a special gift, something that feeds your spirit. Many times in theological discussions and kung-fu movies, the phrase “You can’t fill a glass that is already full” gets tossed around, and it’s very true.

How can we come to God and ask for Him to fill us up if we don’t take the time to empty ourselves and just get hungry?

Pastor Mark Venti from Generation Church illustrates prayer as the process of emptying ourselves of the world in God’s presence. It’s a spiritual cleanse that purges us of the junk food we eat in our everyday lives, the stuff that’s impossible to escape from, and allows us to be hungry for the good stuff: Him.

A year ago, when I was first really digging deep into the Christian walk, my spiritual father sat me and a few friends down to start watching a series by John Bevere. In the introduction, John contrasts physical hunger to spiritual hunger. He says that when your physical body becomes hungry, your stomach growls. Your blood sugar is low. Survival kicks in, and all you can think about is getting food into that belly to satisfy the hunger pains.

But when your spirit is hungry, it gets quiet. It withdraws.

Only when you begin to feed your spirit will it start marking noise. It’s a peculiar and unexpected aspect that capitalizes on the importance of paying attention to how we’re feeling. In a sense, it’s like we need to constantly monitor our spiritual heart rate, to come and do checkups on our spiritual health.

I believe that’s partly what church is for, though we ideally would be in a place where it’s a daily self-examination as well.

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Reader, I challenge you: Take some time to examine yourself. Are you hungry? What would you do for a word from Papa God, right now? What’s He saying?

One of the biggest symptoms that lets me know if I need to fill up my tank is if I don’t feel like getting close to Him. If I feel like I’m not poor in Spirit.

If I feel like I’m satisfied, I know there’s something wrong.
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God is big enough that it’s possible to never have all of Him. If I think I’ve spent too much time in worship or in the Word, or if I feel like there’s a more important priority, then I’m letting God be second. I realize that I’ve been eating the rich foods of the Babylonian king’s table without coming in hungry simplicity to eat from the Most High King’s table.

Without hunger to drive us, we risk the danger of slowing our pace to a trudge. Without hunger, we risk forgetting that our mission is to those who are starving.

Without hunger to motivate us, we forget why we are even running in the first place.

Philippians 3:14 – I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.